Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)
What is Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)?
EFT is a psychotherapeutic model created mainly by Dr. Sue Johnson based on attachment science with over 30 years of rigorous longitudinal empirically validated studies that show that from 70-75% of couples who go through this model recover from distress and are happy in their relationships with lasting results, even in cases of affairs, depression, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and high risk for divorce.
In simple terms, the goal of EFT is to create a more secure emotional bond between partners, thus improving trust, romance and intimacy by effectively processing and regulating emotion.
How does EFT work?
EFT focuses on the principle that our primary needs for others are not only to mate or reproduce, but to get safe haven from the difficult moments in life. Because, as mammals, connection to others is our primary existential need from birth on, EFT doesn’t deal with reason nor logical statements in its interventions, for it recognises that the drama that occurs in all love relationships come from a place of anguish, loneliness, sadness and mainly fear, despite being concealed by secondary emotions or reactions like anger or avoidance. In this sense, EFT works deeply with emotional cues to achieve emotional stability by ensuring that each partner understands their role and responsibility in their negative cycle, so they can mutually help sooth each other and ensure that they “will be there” when needed. In EFT that’s called “Hold me tight” conversations.
By making sense of your own pain and need for secure connection as well as having a deep comprehension of your partner’s inner world, will you be able to experience true changes, heal individually and as a couple, and the way to achieve this awareness is by understanding what the roots of your problems are as a couple. When you are able to see that your partner’s reactions and attitudes exist as a protection, that they make sense, just like your own, and that you can take them with compassion and empathy, you will begin to comfort each other and be able to break out of any negative cycle you are stuck in, rather than escalate into a bigger disconnection.
The stages designed to frame this change process are:
- De-escalation.
- Restructuring attachment.
- Consolidation.
“The drive to emotionally attach to find someone to who we can turn to, depend and rely on, is wired into our genes and our bodies, and we need emotional attachments with a few irreplaceable others to be physically and mentally healthy —to survive.” -Sue Johnson